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Emptiness

My neighborhood is quiet, my apartment is amazing, I have a car, kids who love me despite my BPD and chronic depression...... but yet I'm just empty. I'm either excessively angry ready to yell uncontrollably at the slightest thing gone wrong, or ready to ball my eyes out and not knowing why... then there's the "I feel nothing, why even bother existing" feeling. More and more I feel empty, unfulfilled,  no matter what I do, where I go I feel empty. I also feel like I dont belong here I belong somewhere far away. But the further I go the more I feel I just dont belong on the earth. I try breathing exercises, meditation, sitting in the car alone..... but it just doesn't help. It's like a ball of hollow darkness has taken over and theirs nothing I can do about it. I know in my head deep down I should get up and move.... but I can't.  I could feel like I did everything "right" today..... yet I'd still feel like a bleeding mess of darkness. Per...
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My space... and mine alone.

I did it.... it took awhile but I'm here again, writing in the cyber world. Chances are I may stop all together again and just not even bother. However, I need this space. I'm a mother of two, a wife, and I'm black..... all of this is relevant because I am DEEPLY DEPRESSED! Yes another blogger about mental illness and depression. Go see a therapist!! Only one i trusted is in my own home town, all others seem like they genuinely dont care. COLOUR DOESNT MATTER EVERYONE GETS DEPRESSED!!! While depressions knows no skin colour, it's something hardly ever spoken of in the black community. Its JUST know being acknowledged on a larger scale but barely. And saying things like that is pretty dismissive towards myself and other people of colour! (I'll be writing about that little by little in every blog.) You're just saaaad...  no.. it's not just sadness,its a mental disease that cripples and consumes me. You're a mother worry about your kids!! Oooh boy...  so as...
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